Christianity and Divorce Law
How is a Christian lawyer different from any other?
As a lawyer licensed by the State Bar of California, I am bound to abide by a specific code of ethics. But I believe that as servants of Christ, we are held to a much higher standard of morality, justice and fairness. And while God calls on us to be merciful, kind and graceful, this does not mean that, as a Christian lawyer, I will simply lay down and turn the other cheek in litigation. Remember when Jesus himself became fed up with the money-changers and shenanigans which were going in the Temple in Jerusalem? Jesus created a whip from some cord, drove out the money-changers, and turned over their tables. (Matthew 21:13)
In the practice of family law, I am called to help people in some of the most difficult times of their lives. I am both an attorney and counselor at law. I cannot imagine being able to effectively counsel people in these difficult times without the guidance of the Holy Spirit. With God, I can be a light in a dark place.
Doesn't God hate divorce?
Yes, he does. He literally says as much in Malachi 3:15-16:
Didn't the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth. "For I hate divorce!" says the Lord, the God of Israel. "To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty," says the Lord of Heaven's Armies. "So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife."
But divorce is a realty in our world. It happens to both Christians and non-Christians alike. Often divorce is imposed on people who don't want it. California is a no-fault divorce state, so it is not necessary to prove "grounds" or for the other party to agree to the dissolution. Simply stated, if one party wants a divorce, that - in and of itself- is an "irreconcilable difference" in the marriage.
Are there circumstances where it is "acceptable" for a Christian to seek divorce?
In the New Testament, Jesus clarifies that divorce is unacceptable, except in a case of marital unfaithfulness. (Matthew 5:31-32). But what is "marital unfaithfulness". Many different interpretations exist among Christian teachings as to the exact definition of "marital unfaithfulness." The Greek word for marital unfaithfulness found in Matthew translates to mean any form of sexual immorality including adultery, prostitution, fornication, pornography, and incest. Since the sexual union is such a crucial part of the marriage covenant, breaking that bond seems to be a permissible biblical grounds for divorce.
Today, marital unfaithfulness is frequently interpreted to include many things that may not actually include sexual contact. People commonly have "emotional affairs" where their affections are focused in a direction other than to their spouse. Is that unfaithfulness? What about a spouse who focuses on alcohol, drugs or financial irresponsibility to the detriment of their marriage and spouse?
Abandonment seems to be another "acceptable" grounds for a Christian to seek divorce. The Apostle Paul discussed this in 1 Corinthians 7:12-15. If a Christian is married to a non-Christian, he is not supposed to leave or divorce them simply because of spouse's nonbelief. But if the non-Christian abandons the marriage, the Christian is no longer bound to the other and is therefore free to divorce and remarry.
The question then becomes, what constitutes "abandonment" of the marriage? Could we interpret that term to include marital unfaithfulness? What about domestic violence or child abuse? Have these people abandoned their marriage? What about those who have abandoned the responsibilities of the family and marriage in favor of gambling, drugs or alcohol abuse?
However, we must remember that Divorce is not commanded in the above circumstances, it is merely an acceptable option. We must consider that, as Christians, we are called by God to clothe ourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. We must make allowance for each other's faults and forgive the person who offends us. As the Lord forgave us, we must forgive others. Colossians 3:12-14.
As you can see, many questions are presented to a believer who is faced with this incredibly difficult time and decision in their life. I don't purport to have the answers, but I will support my clients and represent them effectively in accordance with tenants of my faith and the laws of the state of California.
How has becoming a Christian affected your practice of Family Law?
I have been a practicing family law attorney since 2001. But it was only recently, in 2008, when I stopped fighting faith and allowed myself to recognize and be so grateful for all of the blessings and grace in my life. When I first accepted the Lord as my savior and made Him the center of my life, my first inclination was that because God hates divorce, I must immediately find another area of practice. I even tried my hand at other areas of law. I quickly learned that I was given the talents I have for a reason. I am right where I am supposed to be- and practicing in the area where God intended. I am incredibly good at what I do, and I can be that light in a dark place. Finally, God placed this wisdom in my heart: If all Christians stop practicing family law, then the only people practicing family law will be non-Christians!
When I say I am "incredibly good" or "the best" at what I do, I am not being boastful or proud. To the contrary, I am very humble, and grateful for the talents I have been given, and I recognize daily that I would not be where I am now without God's grace. But when it comes to practicing family law, I believe the following are critical attributes: experience, faith, passion, skill, reasonableness, positivity, availability, strategy, sense of humor, adaptability, and fearlessness. And I am quite confident in the abilities and the skill set God has given me. There are very few lawyers I would recommend to my close personal friends and family. I am one of them.
I am not in the business of selling divorce. In fact, I often counsel clients that divorce may not be their best option, and suggest different alternatives. I believe that marriage is sacred. And although I sometimes joke about marriage being the #1 cause of divorce, the reality is that I do believe in and I highly respect the institution of marriage. When possible, I advocate for saving the marriage.
Divorce is not part of God's original intention for humanity, but it is necessary in our sinful world. I do not believe that God expects us to continue to suffer in a broken marriage, especially if physical and emotional abuse, marital unfaithfulness, alcohol and drug abuse, and abandonment are occurring. Moroever, God has tasked us with the important job of being protectors to our children. Often times the best way or only way to protect our children is to ask the Courts for help. In fact, Jesus told us that we must submit to, and not rebel against, governing authorities. (Romans 13:1-3). We must work within the law of the land to accomplish the tasks delegated to us by God. That usually means going to court seeks orders, and it is important to have a good attorney on your side. That is why I'm here.